Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
