I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
