Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Randomize
