I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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