You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
