Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
