WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
