happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
