No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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