I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
