My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
