If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
