It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
