Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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