So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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