apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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