She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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