Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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