I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
