I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
