there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
