I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
