Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
