Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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