i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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