i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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