So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
