Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
