absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize