Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
