you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
