im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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