Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you inspire me to be a worse person
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
