My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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