I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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