So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
