and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
