btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
