I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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