So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
