fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize