whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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