Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
