I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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