I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
