Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
