I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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