sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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