I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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