I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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