After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
