So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
