just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
