they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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