my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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