Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
3pm strippers are depressing
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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