I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
