Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
