so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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