He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
