evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
