i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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