gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
