Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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