I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
