"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
