No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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