I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
