i think i have two assholes
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
