i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Randomize
