I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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