Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You can't just leave with hair like that
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
