I'm lost and stupid without you.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
