You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
