porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Hippo gnu deer
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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